


Slur

by castielsass



Series: Therapy [3]
Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Adolescent Sexuality, Bad Parenting, Bullying, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, M/M, Teen AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-27
Updated: 2014-05-27
Packaged: 2018-01-26 16:52:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1695548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/castielsass/pseuds/castielsass
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>tw: use of homophobic slur</p>
            </blockquote>





	Slur

It wasn’t until Will had heard maybe the sixth person that day whispering behind his back at school that he turned around and demanded ‘what?’ The girls behind him giggled a little and avoided his eyes, leaning back in their chairs like they didn’t want to engage with him. He turned back around huffily, checking the room out of habit. He didn’t really know anyone in this class, but the teacher hadn’t arrived yet, leaving him open to an attack by any passing student.  
  
  
“Heard you were sucking dick behind the school yesterday,” one of the girls behind him announced and it was loud and attention-seeking in the small room.  
  
  
“What?” he said, and something in his stomach was like a cold and heavy like an iron ball. He didn’t turn around fully, painfully hoping that if he ignored her, she’d leave it alone. But it was too late, a girl from across the classroom with shiny brown hair piped up.  
  
  
“Whose dick?” She demanded and when Will didn’t answer, paralysed with shame, she turned to the blonde girl behind him and repeated her question.  
  
  
“Matthew Brown. At least that’s what he said,” the blonde girl said and the cold in Will’s stomach spread out along his limbs, like someone had injected ice into his spine. The brown-haired girl gasped and covered her mouth with her hands, although she was laughing behind it.  
  
  
“Oh shit, look at his face, it’s true!” Freddie said with delight, her red curls bouncing in unison with her laugh.  
  
  
“It’s not true,” Will said quickly, instinctively, but Freddie shook her head, her lips pursed like he was being stupid. Other students were quiet now, ceasing their own personal conversations to observe his humiliation.  
  
  
“It is true, Matthew said you sucked his dick for help with your math homework,” Freddie declared.  
  
  
“I didn’t!” Will said harshly, although his body language was small, opening him up to verbal attacks.  
  
  
“You did,” Freddie said, as if she were sad for him. “He said he felt bad for ya ‘cause you’re so in love with him and you have no friends so he let you suck his dick and he said you thanked him for it afterward.”  
  
  
Will turned back around in his seat, his shoulders firm and almost haughty even his heart stopped. His breath came low and heavy, as the rest of the class rained insults and false sadness against his back like blows. His ribs ached with how firmly he controlled his breathing and tears pricked at his eyes.   
  
He blinked them back quickly and brought his arms up the sides of his desk to hide himself as much as possible. His stomach trembled with the need to run away, but if he did he’d be proving them right, showing they had gotten to him. Rejection and pain made him cold, and he felt like the only heat in his body was the burn in his throat and eyes.  
  
  
“He’s fucking crying!” Hollered one of the boys from the row in front of him and Will looked down at his desk, praying in his mind. He was trembling uncontrollably already from the unwanted attention of nearly the whole class, and the pain of Matthew’s rejection made him want to go to his father and beg forgiveness and curl up on his boat while he worked.   
  
Maybe his dad would lay a hand on his head and say he was a little warm and he’d let Will stay home tomorrow, and he’d skip work and stay with him. Make him soup and let him sit in the old ratty blanket that always smelled like boat oil, the brown one that sat at the end of his dad’s bed.  
  
  
The fantasy of being at home and being small and cared for was broken when a boy leaned on his desk heavily, and demanded his attention.  
“Why’d you suck his dick? I thought you were a virgin. Are you a slut as well as a faggot now?”  
  
  
Will didn’t answer, but he didn’t need to as the classroom door closed with a soft click. The teacher, Mr Crawford had finally arrived and he looked back and forth between Will and the boy standing over his desk.  
  
  
“Sit down, Budge. Graham, why don’t you come with me?” He said after a pause and a chorus of ‘ooohs’ rose up as he grabbed his school bag and hurried out into the hall, shocked into a stumble when Crawford yelled ‘silence’ at the room.   
  
He forced his feet to move, and in the hall, Crawford closed the door behind them both and just looked at Will for a minute before he gestured at him to follow. Will followed him, relief at escaping the room vastly overwhelmed by the burn of Matthew’s betrayal. But then even his relief burned away when they stopped outside the principal’s office.  
  
  
“Wait here, I’m going to call your father,” Mr Crawford said and Will’s mouth opened and worked for a minute without sound. He couldn’t make himself say anything until Crawford’s hand was on the doorknob.  
  
  
“Wait,” he burst out. “Please don’t call my dad, please.”  
  
  
“Will, this isn’t appropriate stuff for a school environment,” Crawford said and Will sniffed, the tears from the classroom coming back and prickling at his eyes.  
  
  
“I’m sorry, please don’t call my dad, he’s at work. Please,” Will resorted to begging, and the tears that escaped the corners of his eyes made him ashamed and anxious.  
  
  
Crawford sighed and handed Will his handkerchief. Will rubbed his eyes roughly. Crawford left him standing in the hall, crying into a red handkerchief as he called his father. 

  
  


When his dad came to pick him up, Will could see the fury restrained in his shoulders. He didn’t know what Crawford had said to him, but it didn’t matter when his dad jumped down from the truck and signed him out at the office. He didn’t even look at Will, just signed and walked out. Will followed him, unsure of what to say, not knowing if he should apologise or if that would only further incriminate him. His dad barely waited until Will had shut the truck door before he drove off. The ride home was silent and Will was nearly afraid to breathe in case it was loud enough to annoy his father. When they got back to the small house, his dad still hadn’t looked at him or spoken to him. He pulled the handbrake of the truck and waited.  
  
  
“Dad,” Will started and that was all he could get out.  
  
  
“Get out. I don’t wanna look at you, I don’t wanna talk to you right now,” his dad said and his glare was fixed out the window.  
  
  
“What did I do?” Will said. His voice was small but his conviction was coming, building.  
  
  
“What did you do?” His dad repeated, and this was what made him looked at him. “I get a call from Jack Crawford in the middle of the day saying you’re talking about fucking around with that boy with your classmates and you have the cheek to ask me ‘what did I do’? I had to leave work, Will. Christ fucking knows if I can pay rent this month, and you’re dumping all this shit on me as well?”  
  
  
Will was silent for a minute and even though he knew it wasn’t fair, wasn’t his fault, apologies bubbled up, but his dad interrupted, just having hit his stride.  
  
  
“This kind of shit is why you go to Doctor Lecter, Will, Christ. You think I can afford that, you think I have the money to flush down the fucking drain, and have you pull this kind of shit behind my back?”  
  
  
“No,” Will said quietly, and for once, it felt like everything in his head just stopped. He couldn’t think any more. Everything in his body hurt, but in his mind, he couldn’t make himself think anything.  
  
  
“You’re fucking right, ‘no’. And if I ever fucking see that boy, or any boy like him sniffing around my fucking house again Will, I swear to God you’ll be out on the street. I can’t deal with this shit,” his dad said and Will felt numb.  
  
  
“Ok,” he said.  
  
  
“Get inside. I have to go see if I can even fucking go back to work.”  
  
  
Will got out of the truck.

He wasn’t sure what to do when he got inside the house. It was the middle of the day, nearly lunch, but he wasn’t hungry.   
  
He wanted to go to bed, but he was afraid to. There was little chance his dad would make him soup and let him go to sleep in the brown blanket now, even if he was sick. He cleaned instead, turned the house upside down and scrubbed everything he could find.  
  
He prepared dinner, chopping vegetables and marinating meat in the fridge, ready to cook before his dad came home for lunch. He didn’t know how long he’d been home when there was a knock at the front door. He considered not opening it, because he didn’t know who it was but it might have been important. Anxiety made him open it, in case it was his dad having forgotten his keys or something important.   
  
Fury made him close it again, slamming in Matthew Brown’s face. The knock came again, harder this time and Will leaned against the door, biting back a sob. Matthew knocked hard and Will shoved himself away from the door, storming into the kitchen and dropping to his knees to scrub the clean floor. After a few minutes, the knocks and calls to open up stopped. Will’s eyes were red and sore and he jumped in shock when the back door opened and Matthew stepped in onto the wet floor.  
  
  
“Get out, get the fuck out!” Will cried.  
  
  
“Wait, please. I heard about what happened, I didn’t-”  
  
  
“You heard?” Will shouted. “You fucking told, never mind you ‘heard’. Do you know how fucking pissed off my dad is?”  
  
  
“Listen to me!” Matthew shouted and Will tipped over the bucket of water in fury, drenching the canvas sneakers Matthew wore.  
  
  
“Fuck you! How am I supposed to go back to school after that? How am I supposed to look my dad in the face?” Will yelled, his throat tight with tears and betrayal.  
  
  
“I didn’t tell anyone!” Matthew said. His shoes were wet with dirty water and cleaning fluid but he stepped forward into the puddle anyway. “Will, I swear to God, I didn’t tell anyone.”  
  
  
“What?” Will said, because in all his contingencies, he’d never considered that Matthew hadn’t told.  
  
  
“Brian told me he saw us yesterday and I told him he didn’t see anything, and not to tell anyone and he said he wouldn’t, but. I don’t know, he must have told people, because I heard that everyone was saying I was the one spreading it. But I didn’t, Will, I swear to God, I wouldn’t do that.”  
  
  
“You…” Will said, and the shaking in his legs got worse. Matthew shouldn’t even be in the house. What if his dad came home early and found him?  
  
  
“I didn’t, I swear Will. I’m gonna kill Zeller. I wouldn’t do that to you, I’m so sorry. I’ll fucking kill him,” Matthew insisted and Will leaned against the counter heavily. Matthew came forward, like he wanted to hold him, but Will was shaking so badly from stress that he didn’t know if he should.  
  
  
“You swear to God you didn’t?” Will said finally, and Matthew nodded hard.  
  
  
“I swear to God, Will, I didn’t. I’m so sorry, baby,” Matthew said and it was the rarely used petname that made Will step forward and fall into his arms, catching his forehead against Matthew’s shoulder.  
  
  
“Brian Zeller’s learning guitar from Jimmy Price in the annex behind the field,” Will said quietly. “I should’ve thought of it. I knew it, why didn’t I fucking think of it?” He demanded, furious at his slip-up.  
  
  
“I’m so fucking sorry, Will. Did your dad lose it?” Matthew asked, sweeping a warm hand over his forehead and coaxing a curl behind his ear.  
  
  
“Yeah,” Will sighed. “Says he maybe can’t even make rent this month because he got called away, or something.” His arms came up around Matthew’s waist and Matthew pulled him tighter, closer.  
  
  
“That’s bullshit,” Matthew said comfortingly. “He was just pissed off, and losing an hour of wage isn’t gonna put y’all out into the poorhouse. Don’t worry about it. He’s been gone for a while, huh? So he’s obviously back at work, it’s not like he lost his job. It’ll be ok.”  
  
  
“Yeah,” Will said, and he let himself bury his face into Matthew’s wide chest. “But with him sending me to Doctor Lecter, that’s expensive.”  
  
  
“It’s not like it’s your choice,” Matthew protested. “You didn’t ask to go, he fucking sent you. An' I know your dad, honey, no offence but there's no fuckin' way he's paying full price, that doctor's gotta work on a sliding scale or something. Listen it’ll be ok. I’m gonna do some research, there’s gotta be some kind of programme that you can get on for cheaper therapy. I’ll take care of it, ok?”  
  
  
“You don’t have to do that,” Will murmured. Matthew’s hands moved strong on his back.  
  
  
“I fucked up today, I didn’t take care of you. I’m not gonna do that again,” Matthew whispered, quiet but firm. Will knew he should protest, say he could take care of himself and he didn’t need Matthew to fight his battles for him, but he was tired, he so fucking tired. And Matthew fought a good battle. Will lifted his chin to rest on Matthew’s shoulder.  
  
  
“Sorry I thought you did it,” Will said quietly, but Matthew shook his head before he even finished.  
  
  
“It’s not your fault, what were you supposed to believe?”  
  
  
“It’s not your fault either,” Will said. “Why did they say that shit? They said I did ‘cause I was lonely and you felt sorry for me and because you helped me with math, and just. Why would they fucking say that?”  
  
  
“Cruelty,” Matthew said. His fingers came up to the back of Will’s head. “And it’s bullshit. You’re way better at math than I am,” he said, surprising a laugh out of Will.  
  
  
“Oh, shit,” Will said, his breathing finally coming regular for the first time since maybe this morning. “I was so fucking scared,” he admitted, with his voice painfully low.  
  
  
“You don’t ever fucking be scared of me,” Matthew said, firm. “You don’t fucking ever, ever forget how much I love you. Don’t ever let any of them fucking ever make you think I don’t.”  
  
  
“I won’t,” Will said, feeling tired and over-emotional. “Ok. I won’t. I love you.”  
  
  
“I love you. So fucking much,” Matthew said and his eyes closed when he rested his forehead against Will’s. Usually Will would shy away from such raw emotion, such intimacy, but he was overwhelmed and exhausted and he needed the support.   
  
Matthew’s hand was soft on the side of his face, his thumb rubbing gently over his cheekbone when the noise of the kitchen door closing shocked Will into jumping backward, away from Matthew and into the puddle.   
  
His dad stood by the door, a little hunched over and for the first time in his life Will realised his dad wasn’t a tall man. He wasn’t as intimidating, or as hulking as Will had always thought. But still, fear made him stand stil, his heart beating fast like a bird’s as his dad surveyed the kitchen, dirty water flooding the floor and Matthew in the midst of it, his shoes soaked through.  
  
  
“Go on home, now, Matthew,” his dad said after a long pause. “You better start cleaning this shit up, Will.”  
  
  
Matthew didn’t move, but Will wanted him too, needed him out of there before his dad started tearing into him. He looked at Will and Will nodded, and only then Matthew left, his shoes slapping hard against the wet floor.  
  
  
“I don’t know how much clearer I can be, Will,” his dad said after a few minutes, when the door had shut and Will was mopping up the water, squeezing it back into the bucket.  
  
  
“I wasn’t like. Bragging, talking or whatever Crawford seemed to think I was doing,” Will said suddenly. “They spread a rumour about me, and Crawford heard it and sent me home. That’s it. I didn’t do anything.”  
  
  
“What kinda rumour?” His dad asked and Will squeezed dirty water out of the mop, into the bucket. He knew his dad knew exactly what kind of rumour, and just wanted him to say it, just wanted to humiliate him, like everyone else.  
  
  
“Said I was sucking Matthew’s dick in exchange for homework,” Will said, and the way his dad almost flinched at the words felt like a victory, even as his face turned red and shame curled in his stomach.  
  
  
“And I guess you’re gonna tell me you’re not,” his dad said.  
  
  
“Not in exchange for homework,” Will said and it was only when his dad turned abruptly and left that he let himself grin, vicious, vindictive and ashamed all at once.


End file.
